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During a train stop on my way from Bodhgaya to Darjeeling, India, i saw these kids do a little act for money. They look maybe 5-7 years old and homeless. I wish I had some more background on their situation. Maybe they are orphans or maybe they have some adult sending them out to work during the day. Maybe they are on their own, living and working at the train station.

In the beginning, the little boy puts his body through a metal hoop. The girl then balances a plastic water bottle on her head. The whole performance was very simple and unimpressive.

Look how unmotivated the kids are. The black marks on the boy’s face were magic marker or some kind of pen. At first I thought they might be hairy nevi, but they weren’t.

If you think your favorite World Cup athletes are talented check out this guy.

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Khao San Road in Bangkok, Thailand is the traveler’s gateway to SE Asia. It feels like an adult circus atmosphere, a mixture of Thai food, cheap hotels, tacky clubs, partying, street performers, loud music, and vendors hawking anything they think tourists will buy.

This guy obviously fits into the “street performer” category. Today is the final of the World Cup 2010, and this is my contribution to the game.

Seoul, South Korea. Who knows what this bug is?

Wild camels somewhere in Mongolia.

San Francisco, CA. Some guy paired these two creatures to generate tips.

Okinawa, Japan. At a cafe, this cat jumped right onto the chair next to my table and started eating from a bowl. Obviously, he had done this before.

Cheyenne, Wyoming, June 2009. Check out how much gas prices have risen in one year.

Rishikesh, India. Cows in the street are a common sight.

Varanasi, India. Steps leading down to the river are called ghats. Varanasi has dozens of these narrow ghats, most of which have animals cohabiting with humans.

Rishikesh, India. Cows eat directly from dumpsters and ditches in India. This pile of trash was on fire, but that didn't bother the cows until licking a hot piece of coal. Check out the "American Spoken English Institute" sign painted on the brick wall behind the cows.

Sigiriya, Sri Lanka. A large calf feeds from its mother in the middle of a dirt road.

McLeod Ganj, India. This picture was taken literally within a couple hundred meters of where the Dalai Lama lives.

More cows from India. Varanasi. I could never figure out how Hindus see the cow as such a holy and motherly creature, letting them cohabitate freely, yet will sometimes tie them up and take ownership.

Hikkaduwa, Sri Lanka. This beautiful beach town was massacred by the tsunami a few years back. While walking around, I was surprised by this huge water monitor. It must have been over 6 feet long. You can see its tongue flicking.

Varanasi, India. Most of the people in the picture traveled to this location for funerals or religious travel. They will sleep in the open air, sharing space with the cows. During my time in India, I came to really love the cows, which were so docile, tame, friendly, and seemingly content.

Kota Kinabalau, Borneo, Malaysia. These tiny turtles were being sold for about $2.75 each. One street market there had vendors selling all kinds of animals illegally. Most had signs saying "No Pictures."

Ko Chang, Thailand. People visiting Thailand who want a wonderful beach experience away from the crazy tourist areas (like Phuket) should check out Ko Chang.

Rishikesh, India. One of my favorite pictures! This road was really smooth compared to most, which made it all the better for napping.

Colombo, Sri lanka.

Of all the pictures I took in the last year, this is my favorite! My #1 of about 5,000 pictures. To me it sweepingly symbolizes modern India. Really, I should say that it reflects my perceptions of the country. In the picture, I see an animal that is respected enough by the people to be painted with a purple religious bindi (forehead dot), yet has two legs tied together and is standing idly in the scorching sun, matted in its own excrement. I see India as this incredibly religious country, so religious in my opinion that traditions and beliefs overpower common sense to help oneself. The donkey's bindi represents the strong spiritual nature of India. The tied legs represent the self-sabotage or self-inflicted suffering that so many seek or feel they deserve. The dirty hair represents the inability or apathy to help oneself.

Sigiriya, Sri Lanka.

Rishikesh, India.

Ko Chang, Thailand. At sunset, monkeys sit on the rooftops near the main street, catching bananas that people toss in the air. This mama monkey is full of bananas and enjoying a little relaxation with baby.

Manali, India.

Hilo, Hawaii.

Agra, India.

Hong Kong.

Mongolia.

Pinnawela, Sri Lanka. Every afternoon, elephants rescued at this orphanage stroll to the water for a drink. Elephants housed here include abandoned babies, blind adults, and elephants with missing legs from land mines.

Okinawa.

Manali, India.

Anuradhapura, Sri Lanka.

Sigiriya, Sri Lanka. This lizard was so well camouflaged, I was lucky to see it. Some heavy googling was necessary to figure out what this thing was called. It looks like a cross of snake head, frog legs, and lizard scales and tail.

Sri Lanka. Imagine seeing this on your bathroom sink. Now imagine it crawling into the hollow plastic handle of your disposable razor.

 RELIGION

“God could be revealed only through service.”

 “[The soul] is what you express outwardly from within.”

 “So long as there are different religions, every one of them may need some outward distinctive symbol. But when the symbol is made into a fetish and an instrument of proving the superiority of one’s religion over others, it is fit only to be discarded.”

Taking this one more step, replace the word “religion” with “nationality,” “brand,” “political cause,” “race,” or anything else, and it is just as applicable. Who among us are innocent?

 “I had realized early enough in South Africa that there was no genuine friendship between the Hindis and the [Muslims].” In my travels I continue to learn more about the relationships among the different major religions. Noam Chomsky talks about a military partnership among Jewish (Israel), Christian (USA), and Hindu (India) nuclear nations to counter Muslim threats. For this reason, I was somewhat struck to read Gandhi talk of the longheld tensions.

 “My uniform experience has convinced me that there is no other God than Truth.” Gandhi totally won me over in his loyalty to his inherited traditions (Hindu), but his scholarly and spiritual approach to learning about other major religions. In the end, it’s very difficult to tell just what he believes in, aside from “Truth.”

 “Those who say that religion has nothing to do with politics do not know what religion means.”

 FRIENDSHIP

“A reformer cannot afford to have close intimacy with him whom he seeks to reform. True friendship is an identity of souls rarely to be found in this world. Only between like natures can friendship be altogether worthy and enduring. I am of opinion that all exclusive intimacies are to be avoided, for man takes in vice for more readily than virtue. And he who would be friends with God must remain alone or make the whole world his friend.” Gandhi had many lifelong acquaintances and political connections, but it’s quite clear in his book that he always distanced himself somewhat, to never allow himself to be seduced into vice.

 EDUCATION

“Today I know that physical training should have as much place in the curriculum as mental training.” We could use a heavy dose of this thinking in Western society today! Physically fit people incur smaller medical costs, have higher productivity, and happier lives. Where did our society go wrong here?

 “I saw that bad handwriting should be regarded as a sign of an imperfect education…good handwriting is a necessary part of education. I am now of opinion that that children should first be taught the art of drawing before learning how to write…He will then write a beautifully formed hand.” I’ve never given much thought to penmanship, but maybe Gandhi is onto something?

 “I have always felt that the true textbook for the pupil is his teacher.” Someone needs to get the professors at every major US university on board with this thinking. Every student knows that textbooks are a huge moneymaking scam.

 “Children wrapped up in cottonwool are not always proof against all temptation or contamination.” How many Generation X and Y kids have been coddled so long that they lack independence and courage to face the world?

 FREEDOM

“Far better to remain unlettered and break stones for the sake of liberty than to go in for a literary education in the chains of slaves.”

 POVERTY/PHILANTHROPY

“Our philanthropists, instead of providing work for them [beggars] and insisting on their working for bread, give them alms.” I continue to struggle with poverty while traveling. I ask myself who is responsible for that issue, the relatively wealthy foreign travelers, or the locals, most of whom have, as far as I can see, extra to pass around if they were so inclined? Should extra food and money be given to the poor or is it better to let people, no matter their circumstances, fend for themselves, even though that might mean starving to death in many cases?

 POLITICS

“The lesson was indelibly imprinted on the public mind that the salvation of the people depends upon themselves, upon their capacity for suffering and sacrifice.”

 “To safeguard democracy the people must have a keen sense of independence, self-respect and their oneness, and should insist upon choosing as their representatives only such persons as are good and true.” How are we doing here? Is it possible to have “good and true” representatives these days?

 On civil disobedience: “It is only when a person has thus obeyed the laws of society scrupulously that he is in a position to judge as to which particular rules ar good and just and which unjust and iniquitous. Only then does the right accrue to him of the civil disobedience of certain laws in well-defined circumstances.”

 LEGAL PROFESSION

“I got disgusted with the legal profession. The very intellect became an abomination to me inasmuch as it could be prostituted for screening crime.” Gandhi will make you believe that there are good lawyers out there. He would ask the judge for decisions against his own clients if he found out they had lied to him and were on the wrong side of the law.

 PUBLIC SERVICE ORGANIZATIONS

“The ideal is for public institutions to live, like nature, from day to day. The institution that fails to win public support has no right to exist as such.”

 “Service without humility is selfishness and egotism.”

 MEDICINE

“Though I have had two serious illnesses in my life, I believe that man has little need to drug himself. 999 cases out of a thousand can be brought round by means of a well-regulated diet, water and earth treatment and similar household remedies. He who runs to the doctor for every little ailment, and swallows all kinds of vegetable and mineral drugs, not only curtails his life, but, by becoming the slave of his body instead of remaining its master, loses self-control, and ceases to be a man.” In other words, he’s saying to STOP RELYING ON MEDICINE FOR THAT WE CAN CURE OURSELVES! Once again, Gandhi’s remarks are timely to US politics. I found it so very refreshing how seriously Gandhi took personal responsibility…so seriously in fact that he refused life insurance:

 “In getting my life insured, I had robbed my wife and children of their self-reliance. Why should they not be expected to take care of themselves?” Wow, what a great and unique perspective. It would be very tough for a family man to get away with saying such a thing these days. I don’t have life insurance because I don’t believe in it, but I’m also a childless bachelor. I’m not sure what my feelings would be with children.

 CLEANLINESS

“The indifference of the railway authorities to the comforts of the third class passengers, combined with the dirty and inconsiderate habits of the passengers themselves, makes third class traveling a trial for a passenger of cleanly ways….habits include throwing rubbish on floor, smoking at all hours in all places, betel and tobacco chewing, converting of carriage into a spittoon, shouting, yelling, foul language, regardless of fellow passengers.” Gandhi traveled third class in 1902 and again for a while in 1919 and noted no change. Being a guest, I have been reluctant to describe this part of Indian life, but I feel somewhat relieved of that reluctance after reading Gandhi’s words and his call for others to draw attention to the filth, in that it might lead to reform. So, here goes: I have traveled primarily in “sleeper class” which is a lower class than even third class (though I think it might not have existed in Gandhi’s days, and so is comparable to Gandhi’s “third class”), and feel it safe to say that Gandhi’s comments, based on 1902 observations, still hold true today. Additionally, I see people coughing and sneezing without covering their mouths, throwing trash and spitting out the window, using the seats and beds as plates for eating, and often a complete disregard for others. I have some incredible experiences from railway traveling India, but I will never forget the dirtiness of it.

 Talking about people dirtying the holy Ganges River: “It filled me with agony to see people performing natural functions on the thoroughfares and river banks, when they could easily have gone a little farther away from public haunts.” This still happens. Unfortunately, the people are ignorant of the nastiness of it. I’ve tried talking to some and get replies such as “it’s holy!”

THINKING

“Every case can be seen from no less than seven points of view, all of which are probably correct by themselves, but not correct at the same time and in the same circumstances.” What I admire most about Gandhi is his absolute regard for getting to the bottom of things, for seeing problems completely. Sadly, this type of thinking is not cultivated in our schools, nor do our elected servants reflect it. Most have this ridiculous notion of a linear liberal/conservative political continuum on which they believe everyone must reside.

In the interest of full disclosure, I did NOT vote for Obama. His experience consisted of some teaching, some lawyering, some community service, some time in the Illinois Senate, and a couple years in the US Senate. That resume, while impressive, is definitely not enough to qualify, in my opinion, as leader of the United States of America, and therefore of the world.

Many opponents of President Obama say that he is giving away American power, reducing our wealth, our military strength, our respect. They ask “what about us, Mr. President? You are the American President, not the world president.” The only problem with that thinking is that the US President actually controls, through various mechanisms, much of the world. He is the world’s president. As Americans, we have a responsibility to educate ourselves on the impact our country has on the rest of the world. While President Obama leads the world’s sole superpower and greatly influences nearly every country, it is only us, Americans, who can elect him. The rest of the world has no say in the matter of electing this global leader, which is why it’s so important for Americans to learn about our country’s influence.

What should qualify a person to be President? When I look deeper into the decisions and character of recent presidents, I can’t say I’m too thrilled with any of them. The United States has grown into the strongest country in the world, a hegemony in fact. That’s great for anyone who is a US citizen, but what about the rest of the world, most of which is controlled directly or indirectly by US instruments of power? This is a question I think very few Americans ever ask themselves. We are fine living in the little bubbles we call our lives, residing in McMansions, driving SUVs, looking for better, higher paying jobs, isolated from the problems of the rest of the world, using a quarter of the world’s gasoline, secured by nearly half of the world’s total defense spending. Meanwhile, a good chunk of the world lives in poverty making American lives better through cheap labor. Sadly, Americans rarely get the chance to see how the rest of the planet lives.

I’ve had that chance in the past year. I feel confident declaring that the rest of the world loves President Obama. A lot. It is not at all uncommon for me to hear an “OBAMA!” or “America, best country!” response immediately after I answer a question of my nationality. People smile when they say it. They look at me like I’m the President’s direct representative (which, I guess I am, on some level). Yesterday, I was a paid extra on a Bollywood blockbuster movie set. We’re talking Mumbai, India. The coordinator, when I told him I was from “America,” said the anticipated response: “Obama!” He gave a big smile and stared in pride. The majority of the extras were Europeans, and I was the only American (it continually disappoints me how few Americans travel, but that’s for another post).

Part of me wants to turn away when I get this kind of oversized attention in a group of Westerners. Most eyes turn to me and I can feel the scrutiny of locals and travelers alike (everyone has strong opinions of the US, one way or another). Another part of me obviously enjoys being singled out and is immensely proud to be a citizen of the “best country.”

Interestingly, most foreigners who express their liking of Obama haven’t the slightest clue of his political interests. I sometimes find myself trying to educate them, that “half of Americans like, half of Americans no like” the President, but they don’t care much for the particulars. All they know is that President Obama is good. For them, he represents hope, Democracy, and caring for people. I often try to understand what exactly they like so much about him, but most can’t articulate the reasons. It’s more of a positive feeling. From some who are able to describe their thoughts a bit better, I’ve been told they like his name, that it isn’t a typical American name. They know he has roots in Africa and Indonesia. They know his skin color is new for a US President. They know that this guy with the funny name and dark skin is the most powerful person on the planet. And they find hope for themselves and the world in this.

The next presidential election is in 2012. I didn’t vote for Obama last time, and I have no idea who will get my next vote. After traveling so much, though, I know that President Obama is the right man for the job of making the world better right now. While traveling, he makes me very proud to be an American and claim him as my President.

1.Ignore them! At first blush, this seems incredibly simplistic, and that’s exactly why it works. Imagine if you try to initiate an interaction with someone and that person completely ignores you. After a few seconds, you’d probably turn away out of social embarrassment.

2. Say “HELLO!” then ignore them. For some of us, completely ignoring anyone, even a pushy tout, can seem rude. I had to read in a guidebook sometime that it’s okay to ignore touts, that it isn’t considered rude, at least not any ruder than them annoyingly trying to get your business. At other times, there are social settings where it would be rude to ignore a tout. For instance, it would be rude to not return a greeting in the morning, leaving the hotel, and seeing a single tuk-tuk driver who smiles and says “Good morning!” Regardless of your situation or personal need to acknowledge individuals no matter what the circumstances, a solid greeting while continuing to walk away works.

2a. As a side experiment this past month, I’ve been very successful in greeting touts using my sunniest, loudest voice. If they wave me over to them, greet me, or in any way try to start an interaction, I simply say “HELLO!” or “GOOD MORNING!” while continuing ahead, and nearly every time that ends the interaction. I’m not sure why this works, but I think it must have to do with establishing dominance. It catches them off guard, as they are used to controlling interactions with potential customers, and they are stunned into inaction, not knowing what to say next. I continue on my merry way, happily knowing that I am the friendliest, most outgoing, best tout-evading tourist in town.

3. Say “No thanks” then ignore. If it feels awkward to ignore a tout and you’ve already greeted him, yet he persists in getting your business, the next best step is to tell him you’re not interested. “No thanks!” is about as clear as it gets. Ignoring a tout should then be much easier because you’ve established your intentions, and should feel secure knowing that any further pursuit by the tout really is rude.

4. Keep walking. This technique compliments all the rest, but I itemize it here for emphasis. I’ve had touts “chase” me for over a block, but eventually they give up when they realize how far away they’ve moved. You can keep talking to them or ignoring them if they follow along. The idea, though, is to keep moving on with your day…Don’t let a tout eat up your time and energy by stopping to have a 10 minute chat about why you can’t buy his t-shirts, or why you aren’t interested in her massage. If you think about it, when you engage a tout, knowing full well you won’t be buying, you are being rude for wasting his time!

5. Keep talking. If you enter an interaction with a tout knowing that you won’t buy anything and making it clear to him from the get go that you won’t buy anything, then it clears the air for some enlightening conversation. You might have fun asking about local sights and customs, or maybe timing the conversation to see how long you can keep the conversation going before he tries to get away! Most likely a tout will think you’re interested in buying something if you hang around and he’ll throw in a sales pitch from time to time. Repeat your initial stance that you have no desire to buy anything, then the air is cleared again for you to continue leading the conversation.

6. Never, ever let them touch you. If there’s one thing I won’t tolerate, it’s strangers, particularly touts, touching me to get or keep my attention. “DON’T TOUCH!” is a phrase I use when this happens (maybe once every few days). It is very effective, mostly because I abruptly recoil, take a somewhat aggressive stance and say it meanly. Every time, the interaction dies. Here’s my philosophy on this: Touch is a clear, if subconscious, way of establishing dominance and compliance over another person. If you immediately counter it, then you now have the upper hand and control the interaction. By re-engaging a tout after she grabs your arm or even taps your hand, you are being manipulated. It becomes more and more difficult to ignore or walk away from a tout from that point on. Additionally, most pick pocket techniques involve touching to misdirect—you’ll feel a pinch on the shoulder while the pickpocket’s other hand is stealthly grabbing your wallet. Bottom line: Never ever let a tout touch without giving him some social punishment.

Touts are people trying to earn a living, raising families, and doing what they know works best. The highest earning touts are probably the most aggressive, which is why they continue to be that way. I want you to take from this article, that you can use some simple social techniques to save yourself time and energy fending off the dozens and dozens of touts you’ll face daily in 3rd world countries. Don’t let yourself become completely numb to them as people, however, because you’ll deprive yourself of some very interesting stories!

Some of my best experiences have been because of touts. In Vietnam, I offered a woman (selling handicrafts) a ride to her home on my motorbike rental. She also happened to have a baby bundled to her and a 2-3 hour walk ahead. When I dropped her off she invited me for dinner with the whole family. It was delicious! In Sri Lanka this week, I was telling a tuk-tuk driver of the difficult I had in experiencing the food. To make a long story short, the next day he picked me up at my hotel and took me to his house where his wife had prepared a whole assortment of Sri Lankan dishes!

What techniques do you use for dealing with pushy touts or salesmen? Have you had any interesting experiences with touts, good or bad?

Many people have major problems with stereotypes, except when those stereotypes are positive. The question has to be asked: What is the difference? Are we so politically correct that we have trained ourselves to believe only positive descriptions can be applied to groups? And on the other hand, we believe that any negative stereotypes are purely irrational, with no basis in truth? For some reason, it is perfectly acceptable for me to say “Americans are hardworking, innovative and competitive.” Do those adjectives apply to all Americans? Of course not! We all know lazy, uncreative, unmotivated Americans, but nobody creates a fuss over the statement. Say something negative about any group, however, and inevitably the politically-correct police come out of the woodwork.

This Friday I fly to India and finally will experience in person the land of so many thoughts and stereotypes that have been swirling around in my brain for years. I’ve seen Bollywood movies and watched Westernized depictions of Indians. I’ve read India travel guides and National Geographic articles. I’ve seen live CNN news from Mumbai and listened to Indian music. I’ve met several Indians. After all this, I have visions of snake charmers, yogis, and bindi (forehead dots), spirituality, the Taj Mahal, Gandhi, fraternal polyandry, cities with millions of destitute and impoverished people, good food, cheap accommodations, big time construction, phone centers, and dozens of other things dancing in my head.

All of those things are little tiny pieces of a big multi-faceted cultural pie that no one can ever hope to fully comprehend. Visiting a country, engaging the people, eating the food, trying to live like them if only momentarily in spirit, starts to connect those tiny pieces in ways that a big-picture understanding emerges. That big picture will be full of holes and monstrous gaps, but it is infinitely better than little crumbs of information floating around.

What does all this have to do with stereotyping, you ask? Well, I have other perceptions of Indians as well, and not all are good. For instance, after talking to so many others who’ve visited India, some for months on end, I’m convinced that many Indians will try to deceive me, scam me, cheat me, and then lack any shame if caught. Obviously not all do this. Most likely, the percentage of scammers in India is extremely small and not much different from other countries. With a population of a billion people, and concentrated metropolitan hubs of several million, it stands to reason that, based on raw numbers, I have a greater chance of being robbed or cheated in India than elsewhere.

So, when I fly into India Friday and have my backpack tightly clutched, my pockets buttoned tight, and my eyes constantly roving, am I being paranoid or cautious? Am I buying into stereotypes with no basis in fact? Does it make you cringe to read about this stereotype? What if I were to say Indians are so spiritual I can’t wait to discover that aspect of the culture—now, is that an acceptable stereotype? Is it any closer to reality?

And these are the things I ask myself. And this is why I think stereotyping is okay, whether they are good or bad. As long as a person is grounded enough and thoughtful enough to realize stereotypes are group-wide generalizations—sometimes accurate and sometimes not, sometimes applicable to an individual and sometimes not—then I see nothing wrong with using stereotypes as one tool in a big cultural understanding toolbox. I see nothing wrong with entering a new place with a little more caution than the last place, based on stereotypes. Nor do I  see anything wrong with modifying my belief in a stereotype regularly as I gain more understanding.

That’s the real key in stereotypes: understanding. Without understanding or even the desire to understand, stereotypes can be very harmful. However, having the willingness to test stereotypes firsthand, having the intelligence to know that stereotypes might be totally wrong, and having the temperament to independently change opinions is beneficial to everyone. But yeah, my eyes will be scanning everyone for negative intentions when I arrive in India on Friday…it might save me from being robbed!

Travel warnings can greatly diminish tourism to a country. Less tourism means less foreign money flowing in. For countries that are poor or that rely heavily on tourism, a warning can be economically devastating. In this way, travel warnings and other state-issued information are huge tools of influence that don’t necessarily have much to do with actual travel.

Yesterday, I read an article discussing Sri Lanka’s tourism prospects. The author mentioned the need for Sri Lanka to lobby and reconcile with Western nations in order to be on more favorable terms, to do away with any travel warnings. In other words, travel warnings that are no longer applicable continue to exist only because of hard feelings over past issues unrelated to current travel. Many travel warnings exist out of extreme caution beyond what is necessary.

On your next big vacation or travels, give the warnings a good look for background information, but also take into account anecdotal evidence from travelers who are there right now, read articles or discussions about the current situation, and continue to research to draw your own conclusions. You might be denying yourself some amazing experiences by avoiding places with travel warnings. By doing so, you might also unwittingly be doing a government’s political punishment for something completely unrelated.

“Not all books the same,” replied the Indonesian used bookstore owner, sitting perpendicularly to him on the floor with her back against a bookshelf.

“Um, okay, what about this one?” He lowered the book to her eyes, already having seen the 75,000 Rupiah price tag on the inside page. Looking the book over, checking for any pricing marks, she repeated back what he already knew.

“Whoa. Why so much? In Cambodia, it might cost 20,000 Rupiah!” Tom was always one to stretch a vendor to her limits, pushing emotional buttons, going for bottom dollar on everything. Short of flat out theft, nothing was off limits to him, and he plainly enjoyed the dynamic interactions.

“Oh no!” she answered, obviously caught off guard by such a low initial offering. “This book is very nice. It says 75,000 Rupiah, and the U.S. price is 13 dollars,” she continued, looking over the back cover.

“Well, we’re not in the U.S., and the book is not new.”

“Where are you from?” she lightened the conversation.

“America.”

“Oh, America,” she said contemplatively. Tom was always hesitant to say his nationality during negotiations, believing that some would charge him more.

“Where are you from?” he politely followed.

“Bali!” she nearly yelled, turning her whole body towards him, her mellow demeanor quickly awakened. Tom pounced on the opportunity to build rapport.

“OK!” he laughed. “Many people here are from Java and Timor.”

“I’m from Singaraja.”

“Sure, I know Singaraja. Up North, by Lovina? I never made it there. Too far on motorcycle. So how long have you lived in Kuta?”

“Only 8 years.”

“Why did you move to Kuta?”

“Oh, I met my husband. I have 5 children, 15 grandchildren,” she lit up, shifting to her favorite topic, after picking up on Tom’s engaging, pleasant tone.

“Wow, that’s a lot! How old are you?” Tom had learned that in Asia, many people appreciated such direct personal questions. Elderly women in particular seemed to be without the vanity that makes them bashful about age. In fact, many old women he’d met were boastful, as if to brag about their accomplishments.

“74! I could be your grandma!” she said.

“Yes, you can be my grandma! Maybe I can get special discount on book?” Tom unabashedly asked.

“Okay, I give you a discount. 60,000 Rupiah.”

“That’s the discount everyone pays. You’re my grandma! I want a special discount!” Tom pleaded. “Look at the book. It has grease all over it,” he said with a mildly disgusted countenance, as he wiped the cover with his thumb. As with all his favorite negotiations, a game was played where he talked about the poor quality of a product and the vendor built it up to be a wonderful purchase.

“60,000 is good price. I have tissue.” She pulled from her purse a square cloth, very soft and of fine material like that used to clean eyeglasses. Tom cleaned the book cover with the cloth, then handed it back to the old lady, while calculatingly staring at the book as if deliberating its worth.

“What is this, Vagabonding?” she continued the discussion, pointing all her fingers at the book’s title. Tom noticed her hand was very bony, with the loose, inflexible skin of age. Her fingernails were thick and yellow. Most noticeable of all was a deep concave trapezoidal shape that formed on the back her hand between the bones leading from the wrist up to her two end fingers. He nearly asked her what was wrong with her hand before thinking it rude. She curled her fingers, retracted her hand, and the trapezoid went away.

“Vagabonding isn’t really a word, but vagabond is,” he said, covering the book title’s last three letters with his thumb. “It’s somebody who travels for a long time, all over, living and enjoying different places, sometimes working all over the world. Not a regular tourist,” he defined, thinking of romantic notions of his own travels.

“My grandchildren!” she proudly showed him a picture of two young women, turning the conversation back to herself. Presently, it was almost as if she and Tom were each locked in their own little distinct amusements, Tom daydreaming of his adventurous travels, and the old lady beaming with pride in her grandchildren.

“They are really beautiful!” Tom immediately snapped out of it, back to the task of buttering up the woman for a good deal on the book. “How old are they? Maybe I marry one!”

The old lady laughed at his playfulness and said their ages were 20 and 21.

“Perfect!” said Tom. “I make you very special offer since you’re my grandma. I pay 35,000 Rupiah for the book and I marry one of them!” He was sure this would tug at her heart enough to get a lower price from her. He was hoping for 40,000 as her counter offer.

Suddenly, and quite unexpectedly (to Tom, that is), the old woman’s face turned serious. Her eyes, before bright and lively, were now narrowed and cold. Her body stiffened, as if she were readying herself to stand up. She wasn’t looking directly at Tom, but he could see her sudden shift in mind and body, almost like when a school kid gets pushed by the bully one too many times and readies for a fight. Tom wasn’t sure what was wrong, but he was positive he must have breached some Balinese protocol. Maybe he took things too far, crossing a line of business and familiarity. Maybe mentioning money and marrying the granddaughter in the same sentence was the most insensitive, arrogant, and offensive thing he could have said at that moment.

Tom, still standing near her, put the book on the nearest shelf, keeping his eyes on her the whole time. He tried his best to show a respectful look, but his embarrassment was evident. Suppressing a nervous laugh, he could feel the blood rush to his cheeks, even though he had no idea if he should be embarrassed or fearful. His mind was racing. Subconsciously Tom moved one foot back, widening his stance, not knowing if he was about to get pummeled. He thought of running out of the small bookstore right then. Maybe he could put his hands on her shoulders to keep her sitting on the floor. No that wouldn’t be an appropriate response either.

At that moment, with a thousand thoughts and scenarios flashing across his mind, his adrenaline widening his pupils, the old lady uprighted herself an<ErrorDocument 504 /index.php?error=504>

Motorcycles. 50 miles per gallon? 100 miles per gallon? Lots of miles per gallon. $1.50 to fill tank. Why do people think travel is expensive?

Everyone driving motorbikes. Men. Kids. Grandmas. Families. Yes, families. We’re talking four people on one bike. No problem. See it all the time. Little boy driving father in the back? Sure, why not. Girls in mini skirts or sarongs? Sit sideways on the seat behind the driver. Wait, is that safe? Sure, why not. Text message while driving? Eat? Drink? No problem. We’re still talking about motorcycles, right? No cup holder, requires both hands to stabilize? Yeah, for beginners, maybe.

Helmets? Who needs helmets. Oh…the police will give a ticket. The passengers don’t wear helmets? What’s up with that?
“Hey, this is not a helmet. It’s a plastic cap!”
“Is okay. No pro’lem!”
“But, it is a problem. There isn’t even a chin strap!”
“Is okay. No pro’lem! Police no bother.”
“Yeah, but if I get in an accident, I’ll die!”
“You no get accident!”

Road Rage? Haven’t seen outside of the US. Ever.

“Here keys.”
“Wait, don’t you guys check to see if I have license or insurance or know how to ride a motorbike at all?”
Confused look. “You no ride bike before?”
“Yes, I have, but I’m just asking if you check to make sure that people renting from you know how to ride, to be safe, to keep your bikes from accidents.”
Still confused. “If no can ride, no rent.”
“Wait. So you’re basically telling me that your government expects people to have common sense and doesn’t regulate all this stuff?”

Old scooters. Wrecked scooters. New scooters. Ok, not so many new scooters. Maybe one week, then they look like old scooters. Dings. Dents. Scratches. Scrapes.

Female motorcyclists. Elbows turned inward. Wrists bent. Strange what you notice after a while.
In Vietnam: “Why do all the women wear gloves?”
“For lady hand. Keep nice.”
“Ok, well why do they all wear cloth masks over their mouths, and not so many men do?”
“Clean air for lady. Men no need. Some yes. Some no.”

I leave store with helmet on, and keys in hand. Moto-taxi driver, brain on autopilot, says “You need taxi?”
“Um, I have a bike!”

Go! Keep moving! Traffic can’t stop!
On the sidewalk. In the opposite lane. In the dirt. Around a tree. Don’t stop. Whatever happens, don’t stop. Most efficient traffic on Earth. Unsafe, sure, but efficient. Ok, no problem.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Vietnam: Hundreds of beeps. Near. Far. Strong. Weak. Short. Long. Happy beeps. Like saying “Hello Friend, I’m over here!” Learn fast which beeps for you and which are not.
Thailand: Not as many beeps. “Get out of my way!” beeps.
Bali: Beeps after the fact, when no action is necessary. Useless beeps. Annoying and mean.

Reverse Hitchhiking. Actively seeking passengers. Especially ones that aren’t looking. Feels good. Like a good deed. H’Mong woman walking home, baby on her back, sack of handicrafts. Two hour walk. Me—driving around for fun. Makes sense. Adventurous. Reverse hitchhiking. Do it.

Accidents happen. It’s okay, no problem. Ride long enough, you’ll have scars. Seen girls with burn scars on calves from bikes falling on them, men with road rash scars. It’s okay, it heals same same. Once got passed by two men speeding past me on a dirt road. A couple miles later they were both laid out, bike on its side. One was unconscious, the other had blood all over his face. No problem. Department of State prohibits American employees from riding motorbikes in Thailand. Sissies.
“Um, sorry, but I crashed your brand new motorbike today, left a few scrapes. It wasn’t my fault.”
“Ok, no problem. You pay me 50 dollar.”
“But it wasn’t my fault. I took pictures of everything and got the guy’s license plate so we can call his insurance.”
“No have insurance. You pay 50 dollar. No problem.”
“But shouldn’t we call the police or something to get him to pay for the damage. That’s how we do it where I’m from”
“We no where you from. We Vietnam. No police.”
“Ok. Can I rent for a few more days.”
“Ok. No problem. 5 dollar per day.”
“Can you give me a discount or something? I just gave you 50 dollars. A couple more scratches and you can buy yourself a new bike.”
“50 dollar for accident. 5 dollar for rent. Different.”

Saigon, Vietnam traffic. Must be the busiest motorcycle traffic in the world. Smooth as silk. It’s a wave. Go with the flow. Ride the wave. Need to stop? The wave will go around. Trying to walk across the street? Just do it. The wave will flow around you. Whatever you do, don’t look back. And don’t make sudden movements. Flow. Like water.
Bali. Most disorderly traffic. No rules. Americans: stick to walking. Everything’s opposite. Like to hug the outside of the lane? Bad idea—entering traffic assumes that section is open and won’t look for you. Like the inside of the lane? Bad idea—opposing traffic likes that part of your lane, too! Where to go? Where there is no one else! Physics!

“Hey buddy, this motorbike has no mirrors?”
“Is ok. No problem. No need.”
“Um, these brakes really suck, too.”
“No drive fast.”
“Yeah, ok, but like I have to squeeze the brake lever the entire way to get it to slow. That’s not safe.”
“No. Is ok. I check. Yes. See, is okay. No problem.”

Lights out of alignment. Mirrors broken. Mirrors missing. Brakes worn. Tires balding. Blinkers not working. Horn broken. “Is ok. No use horn.”
Insurance. You don’t need no stinking insurance.
“Ok, I rent the bike. You said 4 dollars a day, or 6 dollars if I get insurance with it? How’s the insurance work?”
“If you damage, lose, or bike get stolen, you pay up to 500 dollar.”
“But this bike is a piece of crap. A new one costs 1000 dollars. This one is probably only worth $200!”

Parking attendants. Posers. Pretenders. Peddlers.
“Sir, you pay me 5000 dong for park.”
“For what? There’s no sign. Who are you? Why didn’t you charge those guys 5000.”
“Is ok. No worry about it.”

Police. Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.
“You no take much money.”
“What do you mean?”
“Cuz police. They stop you. You pay lots.”
“How much?”
“You pay 5 dollar. If have ATM card, maybe police make you pay lot at ATM.”
“How much do you pay?”
“One dollar.”
“That’s not fair.”
“One dollar much me. Not much you.”
“Ok, what might they stop me for?”
“If no helmet. Maybe they no like.”

Swedish guy. Owns hotel in Cambodia. He tells me Cambodian police get $40 per month—not enough to care for a family. They regularly patrol street corners to collect traffic fines, which they use to supplement income. Isn’t that corruption, stealing? No, not stealing if necessary to care for family, he says. Everyone knows. It’s okay, no problem. How can anyone argue with that?

Cops. Run! Avoid! Hide!
I see girl turn around and drive through oncoming traffic when she sees police flagging her down. First time I’ve seen someone run from police. Reminds me of high speed chase scenes in movies.
“Hey, what’s up with people running from police? In America, no one would ever do that! The police would chase them and catch them, and somebody would probably end up dead!”
“Is ok here. They no catch.”
“Why don’t they shoot their guns or call for help.”
“No. We not like that.”
“What are those club things they have? Do they shock people”
“Sometime maybe. Sometime maybe no.”

Motorcycles. 110cc, maybe 125 or 150 if you have the money. Carry bananas, pirated CDs for sale, books, coconuts, food carts, rice, chickens, pigs, dogs, alcohol coolers, objects stacked 10 feet high. Who needs to buy a store when one is ON the motorbike? Want to start a taxi service? Sure, no problem. Weld two other tires to the side, add some planks, and turn it into a 110cc car! Hold 8 people, no problem. Or add two wheels to the back and call it a tuk tuk. Holds 4-6 people, no problem!
“Hey I have an idea. It would be cool if you started a company painting these business bikes all fancy.”
“Already one. Name ‘Pimp My Tuk Tuk.’”