Million Dollar Idea: Crematory Dreams

Snake eating lunch at the Killing Fields in Cambodia, October 11, 2009. I bet that frog is wishing he had coordinated something special with Crematory Dreams!

Have you ever considered having something interesting done for your funeral, maybe a unique location, a specific guest list, a certain time of day? Often people mention how they want their funerals to be parties, for friends and family to celebrate the time they had with them. Of course it rarely turns out that way, as people need time to grieve losses. More to the point, have you ever heard of unique ways to spread or bury remains and want the same done with your own one day? There is a way to ensure your wishes are met: write special instructions in your will and choose an executor who you trust to go to the ends of the Earth on your behalf. Better yet, coordinate in advance with a company specializing in making your wildest dreams after death come true, Crematory Dreams, LLC.

Over four years ago, when I last had my will updated, I attached special instructions describing exactly how I want things to unfold. My instructions include people and publications I want contacted, small possessions I want given to friends, directions on dealing with organizations that might attempt to use my death as a political statement, and, most importantly, how my remains are to be handled. I will be cremated and want my ashes “bombed” out of a certain type of airplane over a certain peak in the Utah Rocky Mountains. Though highly unlikely, with the right connections, it is possible. How do I know this can happen? Because Crematory Dreams is dead serious about finishing the job.

Crematory Dreams, LLC, specializes in finding solutions to the most unusual final-resting-place requests, from scatterings requiring wreck dives in the Indian Ocean, to urn placement atop Mount Everest, to being mixed with black powder in a muzzle loader destined to shoot a prize elk. If you conceive it, Crematory Dreams will bring your dreams back from the dead. And they will charge you a fortune for the service. Hey, it’s not like you need the money, right?

This idea has been several years in the making. Doing an internet search today, it looks like there are companies that offer burials at sea, scatterings over the Sierra Nevada mountains, and other specific services. I can find none, though, that are worldwide, out of this world, problem solvers for those of us with eccentric postmortem wishes. Crematory Dreams would be the first of its kind, a service for people who have no problem dropping $100,000 or more on a first class, customized remains-disbursement program.

How will this company operate? Crematory Dreams offers a stark business model contrast to traditional mortuary companies. Typical mortuaries are local, dealing with families after the fact. They are also conservative, and gloomy. Crematory Dreams, as an alternative, will offer worldwide service, seeking business from living individuals. Details will be planned, payments arranged, and discretion kept while the customer continues living joyously. Operations will include any family and friends previously coordinated in the will. Customers can expect only top quality service.

Why is the service so expensive? Because Crematory Dreams is the only business alive of its kind. Because laws will be skirted, borders will be crossed, and expensive equipment and professionals employed in operations. Because this is the last bill the customer will ever have and because the customer has enough money to pay for the best for his last wish. Because Crematory Dreams is not the Wal-Mart of death, but is quality service, and only for those who demand a premium finish to life. This is a million dollar idea now open to the public. Leave  a comment if you want more ideas, a business partner, or simply want to voice your hate for my writing about death.

Is this a viable business idea? Do you know of something similar already in existence? Have you ever thought of being cremated or buried, and whether or not you would like anything unusual done? Happy Halloween!